America Wit & Humor? | Guide to Daily Reading 12/8/22

Nothing happened today, although Anniversaries and Holidays: A Calendar of Days and How to Observe Them (Hazeltine, 1928) tells me Horace was born on this date in 65 B.C.

Daily Reading:

  • A Visit to Brigham Young

That’s it. With the exception of the volume and page number, that’s all there is for today’s Daily reading. In Vol. 9, American With and Humor, on pg. 47 I discover “A Visit to Brigham Young” was by Charles F. Brown (“Artemus Ward”).

From That Infallible Source:

Charles Farrar Browne (April 26, 1834 – March 6, 1867) was an American humor writer, better known under his nom de plumeArtemus Ward, which as a character, an illiterate rube with “Yankee common sense”, Browne also played in public performances. He is considered to be America’s first stand-up comedian. His birth name was Brown but he added the “e” after he became famous.

A VISIT TO BRIGHAM YOUNG

It is now goin on 2 (too) yeres, as I very well, remember, since I crossed the Planes for Kaliforny, the Brite land of Jold. While crossin the Planes all so bold I fell in with sum noble red men of the forest (N. B. This is rote Sarcasticul. Injins is Pizin, whar ever found,) which thay Sed I was their Brother, & wantid for to smoke the Calomel of Peace with me. Thay then stole my jerkt beef, blankits, etsettery, skalpt my orgin grinder & scooted with a Wild Hoop. Durin the Cheaf’s techin speech he sed he shood meet me in the Happy Huntin Grounds. If he duz thare will be a fite. But enuff of this ere. Reven Noose Muttons, as our skoolmaster, who has got Talent into him, cussy-cally obsarve.

I arrove at Salt Lake in doo time. At Camp Scott there was a lot of U. S. sojers, hosstensibly sent out thare to smash the mormons but really to eat Salt vittles & play poker & other beautiful but sumwhat onsartin games. I got acquainted with sum of the officers. Thay lookt putty scrumpshus in their Bloo coats with brass buttings onto um & ware very talented drinkers, but so fur as fitin is consarned I’d willingly put my wax figgers agin the hull party.

My desire was to exhibit my grate show in Salt Lake City, so I called on Brigham Yung, the grate mogull amung the mormins, and axed his permishun to pitch my tent and onfurl my banner to the jentle breezis. He lookt at me in a austeer manner for a few minits, and sed:

“Do you bleeve in Soloman, Saint Paul, the immaculateness of the Mormin Church and the Latter-day Revelashuns?”

Sez I, “I’m on it!” I make it a pint to git along plesunt, tho I didn’t know what under the Son the old feller was drivin at. He sed I mit show.

“You air a marrid man, Mister Yung, I bleeve?” sez I, preparin to rite him sum free parsis.

“I hev eighty wives, Mister Ward. I sertinly am marrid.”

3 thoughts on “America Wit & Humor? | Guide to Daily Reading 12/8/22”

  1. Too funny.  I love his attempts at phonetic spelling.  Not bad if, as it states, he was illiterate. 
    I’m an atrocious speller.  But, I know immediately when I see the word is misspelled so I can correct it.  I was a happy disciple of ‘spell check’ when it first came out.  However my spelling can be sooo poor sometimes even spell check is baffled. Thus, I still need a dictionary at hand.  My mother, in exasperation, would ask “How can you read so much and not be able to spell?” I don’t see the correlation, but that’s just me. 

    1. And your mother says, “How do you not see the correlation?” May I recommend to you James J. Kilpatrick’s “Fine Print”? It’s all about the eye.

      You know what just occurred to me? I just invited Thinking West to join us. I love their posts. But people not familiar with the fact that we’ve know each other for–what–coming on two years may not get the kidding around!

      And we have eachother’s home addresses! John was super impressed with the James Dean in Mendocino book. Thanks again!

      1. True. But, I’m a consummate kidder. I’m from the “… spilt milk…” school of thought. So, that leaves laughter, the alternative being crying.
        Glad John likes the JD book. When it was published Ron received several copies gratis. Of course the kids, family and friends all wanted copies. So, Ron obliged. Then it was “It fell in the bathtub, send another”, and “Can’t find it…”, “Loaned to a friend…” So Ron purchased more. Rinse and repeat. Ron’s had enough and refuses to replace them any more, and they were out of print. He only had 3 copies left. 2 inscribed to him and his mother by the fellow who complied the book and the one you received. So, when you lose it, too bad. 😉
        Good to see a new member. All amazing folks with super interesting contributions.
        I’ll check out that “Fine Print” you referenced.
        Seize The Day my friend.

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